5 Confidence Traps That are Wrecking Your Success

There are five confidence traps that we repeatedly fall into and they limit our self-confidence and self-esteem. They hold us back from receiving the successes we deserve and sabotage our efforts to live a fulfilling life.

As you read through the list, think about the areas of your life that might be affected by these confidence traps:

1. The Impostor Trap – Not believing in our own abilities.

2. The Comparison Trap – Constantly comparing ourselves to those around us.

3. The Underdog Trap – Feeling like we don’t belong and we aren’t good enough.

4. The Perseverance Trap – The belief that we can’t do something because we’ve tried and failed in the past.

5. The Perfectionism Trap – Believing we have to be perfect in order to succeed, and that anything less than perfect is a failure.

The good news is that these traps can be overcome by having more belief in ourselves and adopting a growth mindset, which means giving ourselves permission to fail sometimes, while at the same time recognizing our accomplishments and celebrating our victories along the way.

The Impostor Trap is an unwarranted fear of being exposed as a “fraud” or “impostor” in our work and life. This can be particularly common among high achievers who are driven to succeed, who feel they always need to prove themselves (especially where their competence is concerned), and who compare themselves to others.

The Impostor Syndrome gets its name from the impostor who appears in the story of the Emperor’s new clothes. In the story, a little boy cries out, “But he has nothing on!” after the Emperor parades naked through town. The boy is actually pointing out that the emperor is unfit to rule because he’s incompetent, not because he’s naked. But nobody wants to admit that they don’t see something that everyone else sees, so they pretend to agree with the charade.

We’re all familiar with this phenomenon in one form or another: I don’t belong here; I’m not good enough for this job or promotion; I’m a fraud. It’s a voice that says we’re not smart enough, talented enough, experienced enough or qualified enough—a voice that tries to convince us we don’t deserve what we’ve worked hard to achieve.

The Comparison Trap

We naturally compare ourselves to other people. It’s part of our survival instinct. Our brains are wired to look for threats and opportunities, and for better or worse that tends to lead to comparisons.

We compare our talents, appearance, abilities, successes, failures….everything. The problem is that comparison often turns into a trap .

Here’s how it works:

We compare something about ourselves to someone else (like our intelligence). We feel bad about what we’ve compared (because someone else is smarter than us). This makes us feel insecure (because what if they find out?). So we try to hide the negative feeling by judging others harshly (to make ourselves feel better). We then treat others harshly because of this judgment (and feel bad again because we don’t like doing it). The negative feelings can lead to self-sabotaging behavior (like drinking too much or eating too much) which can cause even more unhappiness. This tends to create a vicious downward spiral where we judge others harshly which causes us to treat them harshly which makes us feel bad which causes us to judge others harshly again.

The Underdog Trap

The Underdog Trap is a tricky one because it doesn’t really look like a trap. In fact, it looks sort of like a silver lining, a way to give yourself permission to be good enough.

The fact is, being an underdog can feel pretty good. It’s actually a little addictive. And unfortunately, it can make you overlook some very real challenges and opportunities that may be right in front of you. There are plenty of people who fall into this pattern and stay there for years.

Perseverance Trap